i got my turn with covid and we dated for two grueling days

You read it right, I got the covid-19 virus and thankfully I feel much healthier now and my symptoms went away last Friday, September 10. Per medical assessment, they counted the start of my symptoms on September 1 when I first had my night shift fever (I’m okay by the day but heating up at night) but I think it all started with stomachaches and diarrhea during the last 4 or 5 days of August.

I thought it was just because of my online deliveries from food panda – I was enticed with this store that offered free delivery and discounted prices. Who wouldn’t? When I healed from those stomachaches, I stopped ordering from that particular store but I did not stop ordering from other shops available around my area. And there were times that I got lazy wearing a mask while receiving my food from several drivers. As we all know, these drivers have a nature of work that requires them to go around different places. I think that’s where I got the virus. The last time I went out before I felt something with my body was on July 19 when I got my first dose of astrazeneca. So, clearly it wasn’t because I went out and left our house.

On the night of September 6, I was literally like a girl on fire. My fever was at its worst since the first of September. I willed my way through with biogesic capsules and tried my best to sleep and let my body get some rest. When I woke up the next morning, I had this urge to spray alcohol at the palm of my hand to test my sense of smell. And I did not smell anything. That was alarming knowing how strong the scent of alcohol is. The next that I did was to taste the gummy bears I have in my room. I chose the strongest flavor but I wasn’t able to taste the fruity strawberry burst. I immediately went to my mom and told my situation as calmly as I can. I gave her instructions, again as calmly as I can.

I started isolating on September 7 and I was just getting my food through a chair where my mom puts it and then knocks on my door to let me know that my meal is already there. In the afternoon, I transferred to another room. My current room had no comfort room so I needed to go to my brother’s room if I need to. That would be unsafe and a hassle so we decided that I occupy my brother’s room so I can freely go to the comfort room without needing to go out. I got tested on September 8 and as expected, the result was positive.

September 7 & 8 were the dates I struggled the most. Even though you read so many articles as to how you can prepare yourself when you have covid, it still feels different. It’s like having a good rehearsal but still struggling when the actual event takes place. And as I tried so hard to look calm and collected, I failed to influence the people around me. I understand them. If I were in their shoes, I would probably show signs of panic too. Hopefully, it just lasted for a day and my family accepted what happened and thought of what to do in the coming days. I still had my night shift fever until the next day. September 8 was my most emotional day. Why? I wasn’t aware that there was a mandate by the QC local government unit that all covid-positive patients should be transferred to health care quarantine facilities to avoid the spread of the new variants.

A lot of questions popped out of my mind. What kind of care will I receive in those facilities? Would it be better than being taken cared of by my own family? What do I need to bring? With all those confusion, I decided to pack clothes, hygiene kits, vitamins, gadgets, and anything I thought that I needed. I cried when I was lying on my bed thinking of how long will my days be in the quarantine facility I will be assigned to. My siblings also got worried. My mother also shed tears but understood the medical attention that I might need. That was hard for me. I’m not used to being the one they need to worry for. As a breadwinner for almost a year, I’m more comfortable thinking about them and not the other way around.

The following day, September 9, people from our barangay went to our house for contact tracing. All my worries disappeared when they said I don’t need to go to a quarantine facility anymore. Stating the reasom that my symptoms started on September 1 and they usually keep patients for 10 days. If they would still get me, I would just be staying for two days and that would just be a hassle and there might be no benefit to get from it. The people in our house so got tested the following day and thankfully they weren’t experiencing any symptoms at all. The test results aren’t out yet but hearing that they don’t feel anything wrong with their bodies made me feel better.

Looking back, I can say what I did wrong and my reasons behind it. First, I started having fever and fatigue since the start of this month but I thought it was just a normal flu. I didn’t have colds or cough. If you feel sick, be on guard already because you will never know how your body will react to the virus. On my hardest days, I feel tired with simple physical movements and speaking just one sentence tires my already. I can breathe fine when I’m at rest but I just don’t have the energy to do anything. I was late in getting an oximeter but thankfully, my lungs got better. And you know what was also difficult for me in my journey? Starting August 31, there wasn’t a single day that I did not see a death news of my facebook feed. Some of them are natural causes and life-threatening illnesses but most of them are due to covid. I feared for my life and thought that seeing those news every single day might be a premonition that I might be next. I was scared and being isolated while feeling all that is something I would never want to experience again.

As I survived this virus, I felt like I’m given another shot at life. This I think is my third, my second was when I fell on the floor and a part of head needed to be stitched. I was only around two years old at that time. And now this my third life – I’m carefully thinking on how I should love my body more. How I should take care of my overall well-being because covid for me wasn’t just a physical battle, it was psychological too. I will be finishing my two-week quarantine period on Tuesday and I can’t wait to live how I was before this roller coaster ride.

I never expected that covid will come at me, but I’m at peace with the thought that there are reasons why it hit me. I may not know all of it now, but I guess this is a good sign that I might need to love myself even better moving forward. I can’t wait for my second dose next month, but for now I get this temporary immunity with the antibodies that I developed after winning this battle.

Covid-19, I just defeated you and I’ll be on my guard in case you visit my peaceful life again. 😉

DE S01E05

At last, I felt bad with not being able to do anything new this year. I was forgiving myself since the lockdown as I prioritized my mental & physical health but the effect has been reversed. I’m not mentally okay with not learning nor trying anything crazy as my days/months went on.

Since I’m a survivor of my own anxiety attacks & depression, this time I quickly made an action. First, I made an IG account to put on K-Drama reviews so I can share my thoughts. And second, my impulsive mind at midnight bought a stylus after I downloaded a sketchpad app on my phone. I opened more outlets for my busy and unpredictable brain – a blog, an IG account, & digital sketchpad. I’m hugging myself right now. A small win, I guess?

This past few weeks, I also am not physically healthy as I was usually. I had diarrhea on the last week of August and then recovered on the first day of September. I also experienced sporadic mild fever that goes away after resting. You see, I am not 100% okay physically & mentally – did I fail myself from my goal last year? I think so.

It may sound uncomfortable to hear but I think of the days I wake up as bonuses for my life and I’ve been feeding myself good food lately. For as young as I am, some may think I’m weird to think this way but I stand by my realistic view that a day may be my last. And it clearly doesn’t help that we’re still tirelessly fighting with this pandemic.

As I am writing this, I am enjoying my calamansi juice (I told you, I’m looking after myself well) and easing my mind of some compressed thoughts that I just shared here. Three more days and we will be having new guidelines for the quarantine and I’m fervently wishing that our city will have more loose restrictions as I’m dying to get a whole body massage. My back is killing me. I’m not joking, it’s getting uncomfortable especially today. Do you know any remedies if I can’t get a massage this September? Thank you in advance.

In about 20 minutes, I’ll return to my bed and call it a day – looking forward to open my eyes for another chance at life. Good night!

Celene

“I mentioned in one of my recent blog posts that I will be sharing fictional stories that I have in the corners of my busy mind. Here’s the first one.”

Soft waves from the ocean, fine sands, a beer can, and a journal. These have been my accomplices in the past few days I’m here on a foreign land. I’ve been enjoying the life I blindly followed after leaving my work with no concrete plans. Many were astounded when I submitted my resignation letter, I was ambushed with a lot of whys and faced interrogations from people around me (mostly outside work). Because that move, at that day, was not the Celene they know.

I was always a fan of methodical approach in life. I’m comfortable planning ahead, everything being calculated, and every move is designed for my main plan. But people can’t remain the same in different circumstances, right?. For many years, I longed and waited for that day. I woke up with liberation – from the responsibilities I didn’t ask for but willingly took. When I realized that the freedom I’ve been yearning for is now in my hands, I wrote my resignation letter while drinking my morning cup of coffee. I also checked my bank account and I felt relieved. “At least I have a million”, I said to myself.

I went to the bathroom and opened a newly bought vanilla-scented body wash. I took my time ‘coz I wanted my skin to be soft. I made sure I get to apply my skin care products thoroughly and with ample time. I then selected my favorite work clothes, something very flowy and comfortable to wear. When I was all dressed up, I opened my laptop to watch a makeup tutorial on how to look naturally fresh. You know, how Korean celebrities look like when they appear in public. After that, I looked at the mirror and talked to myself. Silly enough, I just said “You’re so pretty” to the person I’m seeing for good five times. You see, I was feeling myself and claiming that the day ahead of me will be a wonderfully different one. Before I went out, I picked up the Gucci bag I never used. That’s the only designer bag I own, and I deliberately thought of the first time I will be using it.

Even before getting into my first meeting, I already asked for a quick catchup with my manager. I’ve done it not because I wanted to make a big news on a Monday. I just wanted to do what I had in mind before everyone gets busy with work. As usual, I got asked why I wanted to quit suddenly. The news then got into the knowledge of my colleagues. I wanted to have my lunch alone because I was welcomed with many questions like a celebrity, but I ended up skipping lunch because I eagerly wanted to plan how my work will be allocated to those I will be leaving. Luckily, everyone got busy in the afternoon and I got my “work best friend” to have dinner with me to talk about my decision.

That’s how it went. Only one person knew the real reason why I decided to quit. The last 29 days were spent doing all the trainings and handovers. They didn’t bother to ask me while having sessions, maybe because they’re also loaded with work or maybe they felt I didn’t want to give them my reason. Whatever it is, it worked to my advantage. On my last week, I was given a small farewell party and I saw tears from the people I worked with in the past eleven years. I also cried because it felt like leaving my family for good. That’s how I saw them, a family. Objectively, it was an easy decision to make but being an emotional human being, I still cried a river when I received their farewell messages.

A month after, I flew to Hawaii packed with uncertainties and certainties. I didn’t know what I’ll do after closing a long chapter of my life, but I knew I wanted to close it. I wasn’t sure of the career I’m building, but I’m sure that what I had was not my heart truly desired. For some reason, that balance made me calm.  At least I wasn’t more uncertain, that’s how my mindset was. Optimistic, isn’t it?

I’ve been bringing my journal every afternoon at the beach to think of what I should do next. I can’t carelessly enjoy all the days because my bank account will surely run dry. I’m spending dollars every day and my savings are in pesos. Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly enjoying my time here. I waited for many years to get this “pressure-free days” so I trained my mind not to worry about tomorrow to the extent I have been doing in the past. When nothing really came into my mind, I decided to talk to other solo travelers. Maybe I can get inspiration from our conversations.

Days passed and I had chats with I guess more than ten travelers but none of them were in the same situation like me. When they go back to their home country, they’ll gear up for work and wait for another approved vacation leaves. See, they all have plans after spending delightful days here. I went back to my hotel room and I checked how many days I still have before going back. I still had two. Actually, I only had one. The last day will be spent on preparing on my travel going home. I wasn’t expecting anything on my remaining free time but that’s when I had the most unexpected conversation I can ever picture out.

Who would’ve imagined I will be seeing my last manager in the same place? She told me that she also submitted her resignation letter on my last day at work. I lied to her when we she asked me why I suddenly chose to quit. But she said that she knew I wasn’t telling the truth but chose not to bug me anymore because she perfectly understood what I did. And interestingly, she did the same ten years ago. I then asked her why she came back to be a corporate slave after taking a break – she answered, “I’m running out of money and I still wasn’t sure of my next steps, so I needed to survive”. That’s how simple it was. Then I followed up, “Are you taking a break again because you wanted to breathe and find yourself for the second time?”. “No, I left because I now know how to find myself”, she answered.

Her answer left me speechless. Maybe it was a blessing that I met her that day? Look, I may be falling into the same trap she was in, but I got to talk to her and saved years of my life. For days, I was specifically finding who I am hoping it would magically pop out from my mind then to my journal.

Knowing who you are is not a linear process. It’s not something you will know just by taking a break. It’s a lengthy process in a rocky path. And I think my manager was right, I should be taking things slow and gradually learn who I am. I further lessened the pressure I put to myself, I lived my days thinking what I can do to make me happy no matter how small it was. I even went back to our province and talked to some of my relatives and asked what I always enjoyed doing when I was a kid. I had that routine for the next eight months before I decided to get back to work.

You maybe thinking that I failed and went back to my old day job. I did not. Neither I am saying that I found my true calling and now working on my dream role. I now work multiple blue-collar part-time jobs here in Canada. If there’s one thing that I knew about myself is that I don’t want to spend nine hours in an office chair five times a week. I wanted a job that moves almost all the time – it meant physically now in my part-time jobs as a waitress, dishwasher, and house cleaner.

This is Celene, previously a corporate girl, now a happy blue-collar worker. It may sound like a downgrade for some, but they have no idea that I’m happy with where I’m at. I’m not sure where the next years will bring me and that’s fine. I did learn that I don’t want my office job when I was working in an office, who knows what I wouldn’t want while I’m working here in the kitchen while washing a mountain of plates?

185/365

I hear Jose Mari Chan silently humming his ever famous Christmas songs. In less than 60 days, “Ber”months will be waving at us. In our country, Christmas starts in September. But I didn’t feel it last year. Would this year be any different?

I went to a mall after being stuck in months at home around September last year. I was supposed to feel elated to be out but when I saw few people while jolly Christmas songs are being played in SM, I felt uneasy and unusual. This isn’t the Christmas season I was used to. I hated it back then because I don’t like being around with so many people. But when the situation went full circle, I found myself missing what I hated.

Fast forward to this day, the 185th day of the year – I am wishing for a different season. A happier one. I guess we can quite celebrate with increasing number of people getting vaccinated. I registered here in Quezon City but I also have one with our company. Vaccines before meant a sword to normalize covid like a flu, but now it means more layer of comfort when going out. And I’m all for it because the walls in our house are slowly looking like steel cages.

I’m still spending a lot of my time watching Korean dramas. I’m still at awe whenever I get to encounter stories that give me hope in life, in general. Those dramas were a source of entertainment at first but now I watch them for the lessons I will get. I’m actually thinking of doing a review or making another site for K-Dramas. Should I?

I am carefully living my days before getting my vaccine. I feel like I’m in a crucial period of my life wherein I need to win over covid until I get my first and second dose. And so far, I am winning.

As of writing, I’m on my 185th day of winning.

DE S01E04

I will be turning 25 in less than two hours. And I’m really grateful for it. In this time of the pandemic, the gift of life is really something that we need to treasure and celebrate in ways that we can. As much as I wanted to travel and see the world, I/we simply just can’t. If there’s one thing that I will allow myself to whine about is that I’m supposed to be having fun outdoors at this stage of my life. I’m supposed to be meeting new people in different places, drinking beer and wine, enjoying my youth, getting wasted in safe places, and many other things people do before they get down to business for their future.

This month, I am also celebrating my first year with wordpress. This blog has been my baby and my safe space. I couldn’t be happier with the choice I made last June 18, 2020. This is just a segway of what I wanted to write, so let’s get back on track.

I said earlier what I am whining about. But you know what, I realized that my mindset could’ve been the same if covid didn’t happen. I know, I know this is politically incorrect to say. But back then, my mind was strictly stuck at traveling in my 30s just because I will have more in my bank by that time. I refused to travel even when it just costs around 20k pesos. I can afford it but I just felt that it’s not the right time. Now, with all the delays I made — I am delayed even more. Worse, I even don’t have a definite schedule.

It is what it is. I can just only rant my frustrations here. Please let me. It makes me feel at ease and I encourage others to have an outlet too.

As I am making this blog post, I am listening to Paul Kim. A South Korean singer. He is my favorite right now and I feel comfortable whenever I hear his voice without even understanding his songs. Here’s my favorite – https://youtu.be/fGzKxxLOklw

That’s another commercial break. My mind is not really structured for this post, you will see random thoughts but they are still about me. Okay, okay – let’s go back to me being 25. Good thing I already moved on from the thought that I need to be someone at 25. I am still a child just with a bit of money. I am still the young boy who gets happy eating more expensive candies and gummies. And I think this helped me not to hate myself. Actually, I believe that we should love ourselves at a time when we are still a nobody. If you will only love yourself when you become successful, you’ll end up catching the time when you will truly love yourself. It’s human nature to think of “what’s next” after achieving a milestone. Some can’t even cherish the moment because they feel like they need to go on to the next project and be more successful to climb up. If you are around my age and still far from what you want to be, hug yourself and love yourself for who you are right now. Success is not defined by age, nor should it be defined by anybody else. You will define it, in your own way and in your own season.

As you can tell, I’m having mixed emotions right now. And it will all sum up to being fine what life is right now for me. If you know Nightbirde from AGT, I got my changed mindset from her words – “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.” Beautiful, isn’t it? I am at this stage of my life that I am ready to accept what life is for me, what will be given on my plate, and what direction I will be guided to. And at anytime, I will choose to be happy as much as I can.

I also crossed through this quote by Julia Roberts that our understanding of life becomes more fragile as we get old. Fragile means easily broken or damaged. And that’s a harsh truth that we live in. In every day that we wake up, we also lose a day in our life. It is in my choice what I want to do with the rest of my time.

Tomorrow, I will go to church and have my conversation with God. It’s been over a year since I visited the house of God and I am really excited. Suddenly, the church feels like a home and I’m a visitor of the house I live in. Home is where your heart is calm and honestly, my heart feels calm just thinking about the time I will spend at the church. After that, my mom and I plus my sister-in-law will go the mall. I still don’t know what I will buy, I just want to go out. I am really a home buddy but this pandemic changed that side of me – I craved being outdoors.

As I end this blog and it’s already 12:30 AM – I am officially 25! I wonder what my mind will think tomorrow. But whatever it is, I will choose peace to end my day nicely. I might drink a wine by myself. And I might write another blog introducing a character that I made up in my mind. My brain works weirdly but I would like to tell you more stories (fictional) in the coming months. First, you will meet Celene.

30th of May

And just like that, this hell month is ending. By hell, I literally mean the heat we’re experiencing almost every single day of this month. I’m excited for June – not only because of my birthday – ‘coz of the rainy season. No extension of this crazy summer heat please. 😭

I know I should be sleeping at this time because I need to get up at 6:30 AM to prepare for an interview at 8:30 in the morning. This is a hard adjustment for someone who reports to work at mid-shift for the past four years and six months. But I can’t do anything about it, the two companies that I applied for have vacancies with day shift schedules. Though honestly, I prefer to change my work shift because we are still far from returning to office. This is a good chance for me to bring back my body clock to normal. I used to be a morning person so I know I can perfectly function well at 8 AM.

I love and hate being awake at midnight. I like it because I discovered my creativity at writing when everyone is asleep. I hate it because I know I won’t have a good sleep if my eyes don’t close before 3 AM. This week by far is the most important week in my 2021. Why? If I get a job offer and it meets my desired salary, I will be changing almost everything in my daily routine. If I get rejected by both companies, then I would stay with the same routine. I must admit that I’m having a rough time facing each day lately because of waiting for someone in my gmail app. Hoping that the HR would send me a congratulatory email and then my life will change. But this is definitely better than just letting my days pass by without expecting anything good to happen. That has been my outlook since March when it was announced that our process will be migrated. I’ve been very cool about it but looking for opportunities outside actually felt great. So, as you may already know – I did not regret my decision.

I’m turning 25 next month and I’m honestly thankful and quite indifferent about it. I’m grateful for the fact that I will reach that age at this time of the pandemic. I’m indifferent because it feels empty. Well I guess, not until a good job offer comes along and then I’ll feel elated the whole month of June.

It’s now officially May 31. I started writing this at 11:50 PM so the title of this blog post is still valid. I should be writing this later this day but I don’t think I will have free time today because of a number meetings plus the interview in the morning. I’m expecting a busy day ahead of me and an agonizing week of waiting for results. I’ll be back once I get the feedback from my interviews and whoever reads my blog will be informed first of what’s next for me. Take care!

neutral

I just need to say it. I’m starting to write this blog at 12:34 AM. It’s just cute. Just agree with me.

There are some good things that happened to me this month and one of them is that I was able to buy a new phone for 12,590 pesos! I’m so proud of that because I was planning to buy Samsung M51 and it costs more. When we arrived at SM, I immediately went to the Samsung stall and asked for the model and the lady said that it is not available but I can order it online. I was sad for a bit because I wanted a new phone to go home with me that day. I was close to considering other models but good thing my brother stopped me from making an impractical choice. I then went on to buy this Redmi Note 10 Pro. Honestly, I still got what I wanted – good battery life.

As an apple fan, I would love to stay with the brand and I actually thought of buying the 2020 SE. But you know, needless to say, it’s more expensive. I wasn’t sad at all after I realize this. Purchasing a gadget may it be a smartphone, a tablet, or a laptop is an important decision that you’ll make especially if you have budget constraints. If you’re rich, then don’t mind what I’m writing. But if you are like me, know first what kind of user you are. Then you decide afterwards. This is why I’m happy with my new phone. It caters to my needs but it didn’t hurt my savings.

This is the first blog entry that I’m doing with my new phone. 🙂

Moving on to the next that I would like share. It’s the fifth month of the year yet we are still far from where we ought to be. I know it’s a global crisis but I can’t help but to feel tired at home. I want to freely go to the mall and go to my safe space (movie theaters). I want to eat at any restaurants of my choice. I want to try on new clothes even though I won’t buy any of them because I’m not yet rich. Basically, I just miss being free.

At work, nothing much is happening. My role will be gone by the end of next year so I guess it’s a combination of good and bad news. Good because we were informed early so we can strategize or do any preparations. And bad because it made me think if that was already a sign – my time with the company I’m working for is over and I’m meant to be somewhere else. Actually, I’ve already decided to apply for work at other companies. I’m praying that I will be led to His plans. Though I can truthfully say that my current company is my “home company” – it’s my comfort zone and a lot of my values align with theirs. But the need for money can change everything. We are still doing fine but I needed more assurance – this is the reason why I decided to step a foot outside of that home.

Please pray for me as I try to embark an uncomfortable change. I don’t know what’s in store for me but I’ll never know unless I make an effort to peak at it.

That’s all for now. Oh, for the title of this entry, I decided to name it “neutral” because life for me has been a balance of ups and downs lately. There are days when my heart authentically smiles but there are days when the sun shines with dim light.

DE S01E03 (most random)

Have you ever imagined how life will be like after the pandemic? I honestly can’t. Human interaction for me is like a foreign concept. Aside from my family, I only connect with people by need. It’s as if I only mean business when I go out.

No, I’m not writing this on a sad note. I’m actually smiling a little because of how our world turned upside down. It feels like a dream but no matter how many times I wake up, I still see face masks, face shields, and alcohol as part of life essentials. What happened? Really. I’m at awe with how things are right now.

Our normal lives have changed. Oh, is it really the normal life? Or is the concept of normal life a man-made one? And now we are redefining it. I wonder how history will be written after our generation passed. I want to read it in heaven. I know my name won’t be anywhere else in history books but I just want to know what truth will be written by the future authors. (But my name will be here, I hope this blog won’t be buried after I’m gone. This is my life’s footprints.)

I had a quite good day. Nothing to do much at work and I was able to close a bank account. But I haven’t deposited it yet to my other account because too many people lined up and I don’t have the patience to wait. I hope I can wake up earlier tomorrow so the line won’t be as long.

My days are becoming more boring. But I’m not stressed. I just enjoy the days with my little ways. They said, “only dead fish go with the flow”, and I’ve been fine as a dead fish. Not sure though how long will this last. But you know what, I’ve learned not to worry about tomorrow for today. If I know I’ll worry about something tomorrow, then I’ll get to chill today. Quite a good mindset, yeah? Please say yes. Lol.

You’ll read random topics in each paragraph. I’ll apologize in advance but that’s how my mind works now. Random, unfiltered, and easygoing. By that, I want to share a thought. How I love my earphones. Especially now that we can’t talk much outside, I rely on music, saved Netflix episodes, and downloaded videos for entertainment. And to enjoy that, I need my earphones. It’s like a good friend that keeps me sane. Funny thing is, when I look for smartphones, it’s a plus if I see one that supports 3.5 mm headphone jack. I just can’t seem to be onboarded with wireless earphones yet. Or maybe I don’t want to spend cash on them?

Speaking of spending cash – even buying a new phone. I limit my budget to a maximum of 20k pesos. It’s just right with my favorite feature (about headphone jack). I love apple products but it feels like I’m being forced to buy their airpods with their newer iPhone models. I’m not exactly sure what got into me but suddenly my mindset about smartphones changed. For me, it’s now a tool. Before, it’s part of my fashion. Did it make sense? No.

I enjoyed writing this blog even though it led to nowhere. Just like how we are now, no one knows where we are heading to. Is it something to feel anxious about? Yes, no or maybe, not yet.

DE S01E02

I started asking myself. Should I stop planning ahead? Should I just live life day by day and be thankful that I get to sleep in comfortable bed at night? And should I just drown myself in the appreciating the most basic things first until all of this is over?

Why do I have those questions in mind? I have two reasons: 1) Career-wise, my move has been delayed twice. First by eight months and then by over a year. And it happened right after I got myself so excited planning for my next roles. 2) Our present condition. I can’t even say that we are going back to square one. We’re even worse now.

Don’t get me wrong, I am and will always be thankful that I get to type and finish this blog post and still not contacting the virus. But like everyone else, I’m just tired of what we’re going through. There’s a lot that need to be corrected with our government’s way of thinking. The thing is – I can’t help to think if they even have an intention to make us feel better. I absolutely have no trust with our leaders. And it’s not something that I felt and thought instantly, I gave them many chances.

Thinking about 2020 is less painful now actually. At least last year, January to mid-March was quite good. But this year, every month is a torture. Mentally, physically and emotionally. And you know what’s more draining? You can’t do much about it. What you can control is your mindset. Easier said than done, right? Way back, I can easily tell myself that my mindset can change everything. But it doesn’t hold true with what’s going on around us. And if you can’t think positively, I understand you. Your feelings are ALL valid.

My mom got her first dose today of Sinovac vaccine. Maybe that’s something to smile about. As for me, I’m looking after myself well. I exercise regularly, I take my vitamins and I consistently drink tea and turmeric. I guess that’s fine for now until I become prioritized for vaccination.

I can’t wait for this year to end. I know this has something to teach me/us but I just can’t see any hope yet. Our journey towards the end of 2021 feels like going through a dark tunnel with no glimpses of light. So far.

Now that I’m ending this and closing my app afterwards, I will bank on the things close to my core.

Unfortunately, there’s no other way but to go through.

DE S01E01

It has been weeks since I last posted in my blog and I kind of missed sharing what I’ve been doing lately. Nothing much to expect, guys. This is just me, getting bored and wanting to talk through this platform.

I just got my katinko stick and used it at the back of my head so I can fall asleep quickly (hopefully). But I don’t want to sleep yet because I just ate one pancit canton, two eggs and about a half cup of rice. I don’t know why but pancit canton noodles tastes better when eaten at midnight. So, I just know that I can’t sleep just yet so I grabbed my phone and went to my wordpress app. And here I am, typing this with my 5-year-old iPhone 6s. I need to say that because I’m proud that it is still working well.

With another episode of GCQ bubble, I didn’t feel surprised given how our country is being led. But it made me sad that suddenly, all our hopes are shattered again. We expected for a better year but it feels like we’re back to square one. And this is brutally hurtful for me because I am in a season of waiting. My patience is being tested. Our house in Antipolo is in the finishing stage and even without the pandemic, it is normally a long process. My career move is also in question as to when can I possibly take a chance to explore. See? I’m in a season of waiting and what’s happening around us isn’t helping.

As I did my self-reflection, one thought comforted me. This isn’t the first time that I saw myself waiting. And every time I waited, I realized I was taught with something important. Amongst all others, patience was the one which resonated the most. But now, I think it is something else. It is about trusting ‘your’ process and understanding ‘your’ pace in this life.

I felt like I held onto thoughts of getting milestones at specific periods in my life – not realizing that my plan isn’t His plan. Yes guys, I don’t usually share religious posts but I love Him and I respect Him with all my heart.

So, what do I do now? I’m not exactly sure, really. I am just calmly thinking of what can I possibly do to entertain myself without compromising my safety. And the fact that I’ll be turning 25 in three months keeps popping in my head. I don’t think it’s special but I guess, every birthday feels more precious in this time of pandemic/uncertainty.

Now I’m going back to hugging my pillow and wrapping my body with a blanket. I hope that next time I’ll do a diary episode in this blog, I can update you with something new in my routine.

Keep safe!