This was written in 2021 – in different days – on different emotions and states of mind – and at various times of my highs and lows. I plan to share what’s on my drafts days before my birthday. I hope they could bring something to my readers.
During one of many nights that my brain was working so hard to think of so many things, one absurd thought crossed my mind. It wasn’t close to reality but I’m not ruling out all the possibility that it could happen. What if I get to say four impossible things to some odd old woman who claims that she grants wishes to a select few in this world? Weird, right? But I’ll let my imagination start.
Let me begin with my first one – I wish I can decide to sleep for a week if I my mind or my body gets too exhausted with the world. I know this isn’t one hundred percent unthinkable because I read an article through my Facebook feed this year that there are indeed people who slept for more than a week. But I want to do it consciously. I want my mind to consciously prepare my body to hibernate. You know, there are weeks that are hard to live. May it be because of problems that you know ahead of time or because a certain week is filled with deadlines and you just can’t wait to go to the end line and jump on to your bed. This year, I can say I had the most taxing months emotionally, mentally, and unfortunately, physically. I never wanted to go back taking melatonin tablets before hitting the sack but if our brain is stressed and active due to thinking a lot, it really gets so difficult to sleep. And by then, you don’t wake up refreshed and some times, I am not in the best of moods at the start of my day. I am really very particular with the mood that I have when I wake up because it affects my outlook for the rest of the day. Oddly enough, I am convinced that sleeping for more time than usual can somehow help get through tough times. I am not sure what is its effect on my overall health but as I said, it’s a wish and I’m ready to take the consequences.
Next is all about safe space. I wish I can buy a private place, preferably close to a beautiful beach that I can view anytime I want. I have no problem if that place is in the Philippines, our country is still a paradise when it comes to nature’s gifts but I’m also open to have that private place in a different country. It’s like being away from my world and living where no one knows about me so I can recharge fully. I can just wish upon the stars – how can I possibly buy one? I am not earning that much to even buy a property here in my country. I need all the luck in the world to get a job that pays so well that it erases 70% of my problems.
Third, a job that lets me work in a different country every single year. How nice it would be if I would be able to work in China in 2022, then Estonia in 2023, and then another country for the following year? It’s as if traveling while still keeping your job without needing to save all your vacation leaves for a well-planned 7-day adventure. Okay, you might haven’t noticed yet but this is also a form of escape. I don’t want to commit in one place for so long to keep my mind busy adjusting and recalibrating because I need to adapt in a new environment yearly. Maybe I am not that strong to face problems head on? Or maybe I am just tired with all I’m facing right now. Perhaps, it’s a combination of both. I think I just have to have a much needed break before facing the harsh realities that life decided to give me. They say God gives the hardest battles to his toughest soldiers, but God may have made a mistake in giving me these battles. I’m not that tough.
And for that last one, it took me some time to conclude my final wish. And I’ve finally decided that I want to have the power of invisibility. Not only when I want to walk away and disappear from the rest of the world when the burden feels too heavy to carry. But also for the times that I am happy and I want to go places where I can smile like a crazy mad fool who’s in love like it’s the first time. I want to live freely, talk freely, and move freely without the eyes of judgmental society.
So now, I’m proudly ready to face that magical old lady if she ever wants to appear at my door. Once all my wishes are granted, I want to pass this on to others. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has the same things in mind as I do. It’s all too far from reality but my highest hope is for this to happen in my dream – in an alternate world where I can do what I can’t in the real world I’m existing.