As much as we want to own the life we are given, I just have this strange thought of wishing a life we want in our next lives. What if we can actually drop a coin in a mysterious well that can grant our wishes? The only catch is that, we will only get the answers after we die. That’s only when we can realize if the well made our desires come true, when we are reborn in a different body.
I know it’s hella strange of an idea but it’s midnight so my mind isn’t in its normal state. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought of his own personal desires when confronted with problems rooted from circumstances at birth. One good example, I wished that I was born in a different country and from an affluent family, and as a daughter. I want to be born in a country more developed than the Philippines, I want to grow up in a family where money is never an issue so I can take up whatever course program in college, I want to be a girl just so I have a wide array of choices for clothes to wear on several occasions.
Those three things won’t guarantee a better life and it’s not what I expected either. I just want to live differently, and then go to that well again to wish for my next lifetime.
I’m honestly not sure how will I own this life I currently have. I feel like I’m not using this gift while my time here on earth is ticking. Each day I wake up is less then a day I’ll live. That thought frightens me to the core but I’m more frustrated that I can’t even move my feet to do something about it. I just want to go out and wander around, no direction or map to follow, but just let my feet go somewhere so I can feel that I’m spending my time with a little sense of reason.
As I’m writing this, the world is still in disarray. For us, we seemed to be moving forward but we aren’t. My bank is ready, my bag can be packed in a day, I am wholehearted to explore, but then I still can’t move a step. This is how frustrating it is. I have ideas in mind on how I can deal with my unfriendly thoughts but the universe won’t allow even a single move.
In the following months, I bet we’re still stuck. Our house frankly looks like a prison. Just a better prison with enough food and water to sustain decent living. And behind prison bars are inmates spending longer days than the rest of the world. People around me are saying how fast days pass by, but I feel otherwise. I’m itching to finish every single day. I’m now like an inmate inside the rooms of our house.
And like all the prisoners who spend countless hours thinking how they’ll live after their sentence, I also consumed an unhealthy amount of time thinking and questioning. What will I be like in another world, in another life? Would the way I live in this lifetime affect the world I will be born in after I reincarnate? Or will I have it worse because I haven’t done anything purposeful yet?
Difficult questions, right? I’m not seeking for answers for now. I’m just hanging in there and hoping that my days aren’t numbered yet – so maybe in this life, in this world, I can be someone who did something before he left.