DE S01E04

I will be turning 25 in less than two hours. And I’m really grateful for it. In this time of the pandemic, the gift of life is really something that we need to treasure and celebrate in ways that we can. As much as I wanted to travel and see the world, I/we simply just can’t. If there’s one thing that I will allow myself to whine about is that I’m supposed to be having fun outdoors at this stage of my life. I’m supposed to be meeting new people in different places, drinking beer and wine, enjoying my youth, getting wasted in safe places, and many other things people do before they get down to business for their future.

This month, I am also celebrating my first year with wordpress. This blog has been my baby and my safe space. I couldn’t be happier with the choice I made last June 18, 2020. This is just a segway of what I wanted to write, so let’s get back on track.

I said earlier what I am whining about. But you know what, I realized that my mindset could’ve been the same if covid didn’t happen. I know, I know this is politically incorrect to say. But back then, my mind was strictly stuck at traveling in my 30s just because I will have more in my bank by that time. I refused to travel even when it just costs around 20k pesos. I can afford it but I just felt that it’s not the right time. Now, with all the delays I made — I am delayed even more. Worse, I even don’t have a definite schedule.

It is what it is. I can just only rant my frustrations here. Please let me. It makes me feel at ease and I encourage others to have an outlet too.

As I am making this blog post, I am listening to Paul Kim. A South Korean singer. He is my favorite right now and I feel comfortable whenever I hear his voice without even understanding his songs. Here’s my favorite –

That’s another commercial break. My mind is not really structured for this post, you will see random thoughts but they are still about me. Okay, okay – let’s go back to me being 25. Good thing I already moved on from the thought that I need to be someone at 25. I am still a child just with a bit of money. I am still the young boy who gets happy eating more expensive candies and gummies. And I think this helped me not to hate myself. Actually, I believe that we should love ourselves at a time when we are still a nobody. If you will only love yourself when you become successful, you’ll end up catching the time when you will truly love yourself. It’s human nature to think of “what’s next” after achieving a milestone. Some can’t even cherish the moment because they feel like they need to go on to the next project and be more successful to climb up. If you are around my age and still far from what you want to be, hug yourself and love yourself for who you are right now. Success is not defined by age, nor should it be defined by anybody else. You will define it, in your own way and in your own season.

As you can tell, I’m having mixed emotions right now. And it will all sum up to being fine what life is right now for me. If you know Nightbirde from AGT, I got my changed mindset from her words – “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.” Beautiful, isn’t it? I am at this stage of my life that I am ready to accept what life is for me, what will be given on my plate, and what direction I will be guided to. And at anytime, I will choose to be happy as much as I can.

I also crossed through this quote by Julia Roberts that our understanding of life becomes more fragile as we get old. Fragile means easily broken or damaged. And that’s a harsh truth that we live in. In every day that we wake up, we also lose a day in our life. It is in my choice what I want to do with the rest of my time.

Tomorrow, I will go to church and have my conversation with God. It’s been over a year since I visited the house of God and I am really excited. Suddenly, the church feels like a home and I’m a visitor of the house I live in. Home is where your heart is calm and honestly, my heart feels calm just thinking about the time I will spend at the church. After that, my mom and I plus my sister-in-law will go the mall. I still don’t know what I will buy, I just want to go out. I am really a home buddy but this pandemic changed that side of me – I craved being outdoors.

As I end this blog and it’s already 12:30 AM – I am officially 25! I wonder what my mind will think tomorrow. But whatever it is, I will choose peace to end my day nicely. I might drink a wine by myself. And I might write another blog introducing a character that I made up in my mind. My brain works weirdly but I would like to tell you more stories (fictional) in the coming months. First, you will meet Celene.

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