DE S01E02

I started asking myself. Should I stop planning ahead? Should I just live life day by day and be thankful that I get to sleep in comfortable bed at night? And should I just drown myself in the appreciating the most basic things first until all of this is over?

Why do I have those questions in mind? I have two reasons: 1) Career-wise, my move has been delayed twice. First by eight months and then by over a year. And it happened right after I got myself so excited planning for my next roles. 2) Our present condition. I can’t even say that we are going back to square one. We’re even worse now.

Don’t get me wrong, I am and will always be thankful that I get to type and finish this blog post and still not contacting the virus. But like everyone else, I’m just tired of what we’re going through. There’s a lot that need to be corrected with our government’s way of thinking. The thing is – I can’t help to think if they even have an intention to make us feel better. I absolutely have no trust with our leaders. And it’s not something that I felt and thought instantly, I gave them many chances.

Thinking about 2020 is less painful now actually. At least last year, January to mid-March was quite good. But this year, every month is a torture. Mentally, physically and emotionally. And you know what’s more draining? You can’t do much about it. What you can control is your mindset. Easier said than done, right? Way back, I can easily tell myself that my mindset can change everything. But it doesn’t hold true with what’s going on around us. And if you can’t think positively, I understand you. Your feelings are ALL valid.

My mom got her first dose today of Sinovac vaccine. Maybe that’s something to smile about. As for me, I’m looking after myself well. I exercise regularly, I take my vitamins and I consistently drink tea and turmeric. I guess that’s fine for now until I become prioritized for vaccination.

I can’t wait for this year to end. I know this has something to teach me/us but I just can’t see any hope yet. Our journey towards the end of 2021 feels like going through a dark tunnel with no glimpses of light. So far.

Now that I’m ending this and closing my app afterwards, I will bank on the things close to my core.

Unfortunately, there’s no other way but to go through.

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