Sonny & Cher

I just finished watching one of Bela Padilla’s vlogs. The video is all about Xavi’s proposal to Dani, Bela’s best friend. I felt three emotions- excitement, happiness and sadness.

The excitement is really evident at the start of the vlog. Like Bela, I also wanted to see a live proposal. I have many girl friends so hopefully, their boyfriends will include me in the organizing process. Because I’ll love to take part. I’m excited to see the faces of my friends once they see their guy asking for their hand to wear the ring that will symbolize a love of a lifetime. I wanted to feel the anticipation that someone’s life will change in a day. I wish to see the bright smiles of my friends once they knew that they can now start building a new future with the love of their lives. Just typing this through my phone makes my soul jump out of bliss.

Next, happiness. Who wouldn’t be happy seeing a magical moment filled with love? Maybe one day, if I could see one proposal, my day would be something like I won’t mind not eating or doing much. I think I’m that type who will just smile through the day and be as happy as he could.

But I will be honest here. I also feel sad seeing videos of proposals and even weddings. The reason? I know I won’t have that. I guess not in my lifetime. We’re living in the Philippines and that should be enough reason for you to understand where I’m coming from. Though I know marriage is not the only way to show love or to feel loved, I can’t help to think how couples exactly feel when they are being celebrated in one whole day with no judgments from society. I can hold a grip of my feelings and say: “I don’t care what all of you are thinking. I’m happy and I’m not hurting anyone.” But dude, it’s not entirely easy to do. Not impossible. Though it would take buckets of courage to get through all the possible hurdles being in love with the same sex.

In a few years, I will go back to this post. I predict that at least one of my friends will get married in 5 years. Well if they don’t, then it’s totally fine. I can wait. I’ll see if I will still feel those three. Or maybe I’ll feel more.

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